Life Update
Hello world, this is my first update in about 7 months (sadly) and my first post that takes a step back from my usual tech posts. I have had lots of changes happen lately and have felt the need to get some things off my mind, and what better way than to write a blog about it. I must apologize in advance if this sounds like a rant. The purpose of this isn’t to rant but to get my thoughts out of my head, and to help me reflect, so if this sounds boring to you, please keep an eye out on my next blog post which I will try to make about tech!
Pressure, Anxiety, and Sadness
So where to begin. Frankly, I have been feeling a mixture of feelings I can’t fully explain. Among a few others, I feel pressure, anxiety and sadness. I know, we’re off to a great start! These feelings have been building slowly over the past year, and have peaked recently as I am moving from my current apartment and into a bigger home with some new room mates. In our search, we are discovering how prohibitive it is to rent a home in the Greater Toronto Area. Even with three other room mates, it is so difficult to find a place to live. Despite this, my job and my room mate’s jobs require us to live in the GTA. It has been feeling increasingly like a Catch-22 situation I don’t know how to resolve. I am worried that I might end up homeless for some time as I have to leave my current apartment before I have a place to move.
I know how privileged this sounds. I am aware that I am actually extremely lucky, not just to be living in a first world country, but even in comparison to many other Canadians. I make above median wage, have no debts, and despite years of financial pressure, I managed to avoid having an emergency for long enough to build up a decent emergency fund. This said, the hardest part about this situation is seeing my closest friends and my only family being in a worse position than I am and having no way to help them. Further than this, I don’t want to be someone who only lives for myself and those closest to me. I have always wanted to be somebody useful to society at large, but instead, I have become someone who through very much struggle, can only take care of himself. There are so many problems in the world, and so many countries where people are enduring war, starvation, disease, and poverty, while a very small number of people enjoy life in luxury.
It not only isn’t fair, but it is such a waste for so many humans to have to worry about basic survival instead of being elevated to some sort of standard where they can contribute to existing technology, develop our society, and make our world better for everyone. Perhaps the most confusing thing about how I feel on this subject is that I actually feel pride and deep gratitude that I am part of the group who has to struggle through life instead of having all my needs handed to me. Still, while some struggle is necessary, it is painful to see people locked in a perpetual cycle of debt trying desperately to climb out of poverty. This shouldn’t be what life is about.
So this probably explains my feelings of anxiety and sadness. Now I am stuck in what is probably an unrealistic predicament. How do I escape this trap and help others escape it too? Is this even within my potential? In the words of Bob from ReBoot, no one knows for sure, but I intend to find out. I know that the rest of this will sound extremely idealistic and naive. It probably is, but I have a life time to find out, and I’d rather spend my life trying to make my tiny impact on the world.
So without further delay, my current plan is to improve my finances by finding a better job. I have been studying front-end and back-end development from years, and I finally feel like I am ready to get a dev job in the industry. Dev jobs are usually very well paid compared to what I am used to. By my calculations, it will be more than I require for myself. Using this, I might even be able to save up for a home and to host a few of my closest friends who share similar convictions about the world and who may have better ideas than I do. I might also be able to support a few others by investing in some of their passions, especially if those line up with some of my goals. I have been thinking about this for some time, and I believe investing in people who share the common goal of improving life for others is one possible solution to many of the problems we face.
I don’t know if I’m capable of fulfilling this plan. Maybe some day I can refine it - plan out some of the smaller details and calculate if they are feasible or not. For now it is just a dream, but I think having a purpose, even one that might not be realistic, will help me to face the uncertainties of my own life, and will give me hope that I can at least have a small impact and improve the lives of those around me.
So this wraps up my first post about my life and my feelings. I will probably write more in the future as this already made me feel a bit better. I apologize if this was a bit simplistic, unrealistic, or boring. I will try to make my future posts about my life or thoughts better organized. In addition to this, I am also planning to write a post about my job search. This will be the first time I am applying for junior development jobs and I don’t know if I will have any success yet. If I don’t, I don’t plan on giving up, and I will expand my portolio and my experiences until somebody is willing to give me a chance. I plan to chronicle my experiences in this search. Thank you, my imaginary readers, and I will see you next time!